Hey loves aka my readers!,
Hey you guys! This weekend has been full of working and preparing for this cruise! But I also been trying to clear my chest of things that’ on my chest. I think I’m in love and battling my true feelings because of the circumstances surrounding the situation. I’ve never loved someone the way I did with him and I couldn’t ever do so again. At least not in that way. When you love the way that I love and you fall very hard it’s even harder to just cut it. I don’t use the word “love” with just anybody because of how I love. I take the word love very serious. When I’m committed to someone I’m there’s and I go hard for them. Money, sex, distance or anything superficial don’t determine my love at all. I’ll go any distance or any length to be with the one that I love that’s just how I am as a person even with my family and friends. But yeah I’ve been out of love with him since last year but I think I still love the moments and the idea of “us”. He’s growing as a person so am I but the distance killed the whole relationship oh should I say he let the distance kill our relationship. But I love his heart and who he is. I know that he’s the same person because his heart is pure. Here’s something I wrote in my phone about how I feel about things:
Everything just feels off without you around and I feel more torn day by day. You made me feel, you brought an unexplainable happiness and a joy I didn’t want to EVER lose. Now I’m trying to not think about you and suppress my true feelings towards you. The love that’s embedded in my heart for you it’s the damn hardest to ignore. It pains me that I can’t even look into your eyes to tell you I love you, I need you and I miss everything about you. Even with all the flaws I wanted you in my life to bring that smile that makes me GLOW!
How can I go on this way? Next time I see you what do I say? Will you ever love me the same way? I can’t even think about that day, where you told me you loved me and wanted to do right by me. That’s what haunts my memory. You were the one who set my heart free and made me believe. Love before you wasn’t apart of my vocabulary now it’s all I see that’s all because you changed my perspective of love. You told me if I was in Mississippi things would be different, my mind wonders and I dream about how true your words are. I’m longing to be your only one that good luck charm, I never want to see you harmed and I always wanted to show you what love is. She cheated on you that tore my soul because I would never. In my heart I just want to be in your arms forever and hurt you never. I’m looking for comfort in my soul so I’m able to move on. I love you and from this I think I’m still in love with you. Can you release me as if I’m a dove?
I’m the only one who knows how pure your heart is and everyone else just know the pain you’ve caused my heart. Each time I feel I’m okay and moved forward I see your face. The face that kept my heart warm. It hurts so much that I just cry when I’m alone. I have to pretend I’m fine, smile to cover this crazy pain and talk shit so I can ease it away. Your always on my mind but I just want to be fine. I’ve never felt so lost in love and in my thoughts when it came to an individual. I try to find the bond we had with each guy I cross and I have to be honest it sucks. Everything is sex, not love. You say you love me but is the way that I love you? My heart is heavy and it loves you. That’s all it had to say. I pray that as time helps me heal I’ll finally get my day…
Love, Peace and Honesty…