Someone who means something to me and makes me happy when he’s around has came back into the picture. At this time in my life I’m feeling happiness at it’s best for myself on my own which I haven’t felt in a very long time. I don’t need a guy in my life to make me feel loved, happy or joy. Joy for me comes from God and so I’m just a little taken back you can because he’s just been surprising me with these things that he’s doing and has told me. Love is a word that I don’t play with at all and it’s something that is so strong that it’s hard to fall out of. My feelings for this person never really went anywhere they just faded and I pushed him to the back of my mind because he wasn’t in my life. We stopped talking for like a few months and in that time I fell out of love with him because he was still IN LOVE WITH HIS EX and I couldn’t handle it anymore. He claims he got love for her but their only friends which I’m trying oh so hard to believe but it’s hard when this chick is his “first love”…first loves are hard to get over and there is not comparing. Trust I’m not trying to compare to no chick because I know I’m one of a kind and the real deal. But when I wanted to place him in my life he was too blinded by his EX to even give me the time of day, I guess he tried but it didn’t happen. So now I guess he seen the light lol and trying to get back into the picture.
He has realized he “fucked up” and that he has work to do because I’m not in love with him at all anymore. I love him but not in love with him ya know? It’s hard because all I want is him to match his actions up to his words to prove to me he’s ready for the relationship and love that I truly been wanting for the longest. I can love someone and I know that I can be loyal to a guy who deserves my time. I’m not letting him take advantage of my love this time, that’s what I’m trying to maintain right now because I have the upper hand so that I don’t fall into the pattern of him hurting me. I’ve fell in love with him twice before so this time I’m being WAY MORE CAREFUL. I have too much on the table and too much going on at this time for him to come back into the picture and turn my world upside down. I want him in my life and I want him to be apart of this ride that I’m on because I know a breakthrough is coming I can just feel it, all I’m doing is doing my part and letting God do the rest. He has a good heart, I just want him to grow up a little and show me he can really be in the relationship 100% as I would if we do this thing one more time. The third time I fall in love has to be it because third time is the charm!!!!! I had to vent because I had this on the brain, lol.
Love, Peace and Honesty,