Finding Me…

Finding Me…

I’m 22 years of age

Living and learning

Child of GOD; still making mistakes

But indeed I’m finding my way

The pain from my past I wish would just go away

At first I looked for validation for my beauty from boys

Now I can find my beauty within

I wanted a boyfriend

Now I need a God fearing man

Before I would do anything for a guy

Now I know you make them work

I’ve cried a long time

Over not attracting the pretty boys

Over not fitting in

Over disappointing relationships

But I realized…

The pretty boy doesn’t always treat you right

That fitting in is what the “norm” expected

Those relationships were lessons

Now I have standards for guys

Thank GOD for my father

He helped me see what a man does FOR REAL

A protector, provider and a friend

No man is perfect

So I know now not to look for perfection

For a long time I didn’t have balance

Because honestly I didn’t know me

It’s taken me a very long time

I’m still learning about me

Day by day

But I’ve found my own idenity

Without having anyones confirmation

At a early age  I knew what I loved

Music has always been my first love

With that singing became my passion

Hip-hop is all I know

It’s in my DNA

It’s the beat of my heart

While going through relationships, heart ache and tribulations writing became my second passion

While going through everything, I didn’t understand nothing

But God always was my forefront of my life

My heart is back

My spirit is solid

My mind is sound

I thank GOD for my life

And for allowing me to finally find me

For a long time I never knew who I was but always tried to piece everything together to who I was through writing. Now that I’m older I can say exactly what I like, what, do and say. I don’t need a man validation to be beautiful, tell me what to wear, what to say or do. I can be me with no worries and it feels really good to know that all this is possible because of GOD. I promise you that I talked to GOD a great amount when I didn’t understand why a guy didn’t like me, why I was crying and why my heart was hurt. Things I didn’t understand, I’d talk it through with God. In God I know I have a friend and someone who won’t back stab me, disrespect me, won’t use me or talk about me. He may be disappointed in me at times and I may do things he know I shouldn’t but HE dies for our sins and HE died for us. All I can do is TRY to do better and get right through HIM as I’ve done thus far. I’ve changed a great deal and I love the change I’m pressing forward with. God is a friend and what a friend I’ve found in HIM….he’s the sweetest thing I know.



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