Hey my loves also known as my readers,
So some of my down falls were brought to my attention the other day. No offense taken, I’m just trying to take the criticism and run with it. At first it didn’t sit right with me but like 10 minuets after pondering my brain and looking at different situations in my life I realized ight they right…its about that time. So right now I’m soul searching. I’m graduating and embarking on a new chapter in my life as a female, woman, business woman, designer, singer and writer. I must change some things about myself to enhance my career(s). I have to take a look deep inside to figure out what I’m working towards in the future and what in my present can I change to make things right in my future. I’m cutting people off, I’m loving people from a distance, I’m working on relationships/friendships that’s important to me and I’m just trying to do better overall. One thing I will not do no more is putting people before I put myself. In the past I’ve always stressed, worried and cared so hard for people to a point I was stressing myself. I’m at a point where I can say I’m letting people learn for themselves because my opinion doesn’t always matter and I’m talking to a brick wall. So I’m just taking a step away from people and situations to see if they’re worth my time or energy.
Another thing I’m working on is my weight. As any other woman I struggle with my weight, I stress more than I should and I make mistakes. I don’t portray to be perfect because I’m far from it. I’m just keeping it 100% and all I can do is try and push myself to go to the heights I know I can get too. I want to push myself for myself because I want to challenge myself to prove people wrong about certain things, I want to break barriers and just be able to control my life. I know who I am and it took me a very long time to get to this point because I had many people in my ear about different things like weight, skin tone, career choices and just life in general. But I learned that its not about what people want in my own life, it’s about my happiness, my career and my heart. There is not a person in this world who can take my confidence away! I will debate with someone toe to toe, up and down, blood, sweat or tears for my confidence because honestly it took too much damn work to gain this kind of confidence. I can now have a real smile because I’m happy its not a fake smile for pretend because I have too but I’m loving life…and what it has to offer. My natural journey does come into play with my weight too. Having my TWA it’s a lot more focus on my face then my hair with being natural so the weight plays a factor! But hey in order to change my appearance only I can make the changes!!!!!
My heart is in a weird spot to be honest. I’ve realized that I’m not in love but I love this person so much that I find myself thinking about him at least twice to three times a day, I get in my feelings when people bring his name up and I get madddddddd defensive about him. I know for a fact I don’t want to lose him in no way because of the place he’s gained in my life and I want to be able to have that friendship to fallback on cuz with him I’m real comfortable with sharing things and situations in my life. He’s been there for me at some tough times and those times stick out to me the most because I was going through A LOT. But he remained by my side and he listened to how I felt plus gave me an honest opinion. Things like that I always remember and it makes me hold onto. The relationship is so complicated because we live sooooooooooooooooooo far apart and we got into a situation now its like I’m making myself do things nd feel certain ways to make everything ok for my heart, mind and spirit to carry on. I have too much going to be depressed and dwelling. Life will pass me by if I just dwell so I gotta just make due.
This coming weekend I have a busy schedule. First I have to go to Kings dominion to see a family friend almost like my little cousin sing, then go to the club to celebrate with the girls then my internship Sunday. Yes another bridal show! Very exciting. I’ll have to post pictures from the April show and this show as well. I’m anxious to see all that this internship will bring! Exciting and nervous because I want things to go smoothly because it’s my first experience in my field and I love the position so I just want it all to go well. But I am adding onto my manuscript, I’ve been making changes plus adding more poems. The book will cover my poetry from the time I began to right now here in 2011. I want to have 12 chapters covering Love, Peace and Honesty….my slogan and my signature. So that’s my title right now. I’m excited about the book. It’s not a tell all but it is very raw. I’m telling my story as well as telling my side of certain situations in my life I never got the chance too. I do a lot of my venting in my poems but as I’ve gottan older I take poetry to new levels and I’m challenging myself to discuss more than just love and relationships within my poems. LIfe is more than just love and relationships. I think life should be talked upon and trying to focus on our own countries issues. I think if we have honest conversations with not only ourselves but as a community, nation and world we could be more peaceful. It’s 1:03 I gotta work in the a.m sooooooooooooooooo night night!
Love, Peace and Honesty!,