Hey my readers also known as my loves,
For the longest time I’ve been trying to get my heart back. After my first love and I had an terrible ending I haven’t honestly been the same. I’ve been talking to several guys, in several situations and looking for love since he left my world. I haven’t spoke words to him or even heard his voice in well over 3 years. It’s an crazy thing because I thought what we had wasn’t ever gonna end back then. Here today in 2011 I finally have gained my heart back and it feels damn good. It has taken four years to get my heart back from an four year relationship I had with my first love and first everything. I’ve grown a great deal and I’m not the same female at all. I was a girl then I am a woman now who has a mark to make in society. I can’t explain how amazing this feels, I cry because I’m happy. I’m happy. You go through so much in life that you forget about yourself, your heart and what is most important in life. I’ve came across an individual in my life who I’ve been talking to for more than a year going on two this year and I won’t say I don’t love him but I will say that the place he has in my life and in my heart is so deep that is stored away. Our relationship nobody understands but that’s what I love so much about the relationship…it’s not understood…it’s not meant too.
I have so many poems and material in the works OMG I’m so excited. I have more titles and I’ve finished a few poems but I don’t think I will be posting them all. I want to save much as possible for my books. As I grow as a woman, you can see the growth in my writings. Growth is what matters to me. It stands out from the rest in my eyes. They key to everything that I’ve overcame and has made me full circle has been being single. I always talk too guys and have a “boo joint” but being single has helped me get to know me, find myself, get to know my heart all over again and cry away the pain caused by all the situations that have left me disappointed, unhappy and miserable. I try to encourage ladies to take 3 to 6 months even a year to be single to have that time to find who they are. But honestly females these days are so scared to be “alone”, thirsty for attention and ignorant towards guys overall. So I stay in my lane because while they chasing dudes…I’m chasing my dreams. It’s much more reliable when I know my dreams and accomplishments won’t make me cry, won’t disappoint me or lie to me. There’s no games to figure out just pursuing my passions in life. Self discovery is crucial and its sad because not every woman can accomplish self-eestem, confidence, self happiness or joy because they are scared of lonely as my girl Beyonce says. Its pretty sad but I know for me its the most satisying feel in the world. I maybe single but I carry many characteristics, traits, confidence and courage half the females can’t even get right. Not bragging but stating facts. If your reading this I encourage you to challenge yourself…get to know you and search deep in yourself mind, body and soul because its a great thing to do.
So I I graduate in June. June 20th, 2011 and I have an internship at All About You Event Planning as the Marketing Assistant. After I let go of my fears, negative people in my life and started actually taking action towards my dreams and goals as well as trying to gain a stronger relationship with GOD blessings have began to fall upon my life. Everything I “preach” about I started actually taking my own advice. Its easy to give out advice but taking your own advice is a lil harder. But I am staying to myself for awhile to get me right, trying not to care so hard and live my life. People seem not to appreciate things I do and want to ask me for advice and do exactly the opposite of what I say to do then come to me asking “why didn’t I listen to you” and saying “You were right”…I will let people fall on their asses and fall flat on their faces because its their life. Sorry for the language but females like I’ve said on facebook “Feels like I need to tune the world out! Females although I’m one lol I don’t get y’all. I be thinking I’m a rare breed. But yo females are immature, irresponsible, ignorant, childish and pure DUMB. Yea I said it!” Too many females making ignorant choices and acting as if they don’t know any better. Females wanting to claim to be a “woman” but steady making childish decisions. Females chasing these boys expecting a “grown ass man” SIKE no, focus on you and forget about the guys for a little while. You won’t find love when your “looking” or “rushing” into relationships.
Another thing on my chest is these females having two and three babies at the ages of 20, 21, 22 and 23. I think motherhood is a stage of life meant for stable, financially stable, grown and well rounded females. When you don’t have an steady income, a stash that will provide for these kid(s) and if your not mentially ready for a child then in my eyes you shouldn’t have any kids at all. Its not fair to these kids who are born into a life of poverty, unstable homes, single parent homes and just not living the life they should be. People ask me when will I have one and why don’t I have a child? I’m not ready for a child. I want to live my life. I want to travel, accomplish my dreams and not only that have a husband. I do not wish to be a single mother or be a “baby mother”. Having the sterotype and being another statistic is not my goal in life. I know how to protect myself and I have a GOD GIVEN BRAIN to help me make smart and wise decisions in order to steer away a lifestyle I don’t wish to have.
This is not to bash single mothers or talk down to anyone. This is to make my readers challenge themselves and look at themselves for once. You living day to day trying to make it. It’s hard out here being just one african american woman. I can not even imagine the position of being a single mother of one, two or even three kids at the age of 22. It’s hard raising kids these days and that’s exactly why I don’t want or need a child until I’m established. There’s so much more to life that I haven’t experienced. I want to live out my life completely to say I’ve traveled the world and I’ve accomplished all my dreams and then some too go into having my own family. I was raised with two parents and a loving family…I want to give my child/children that and more. Until I’m at the stage of life where I’m ready to settle down and have a child I’m working, hustling and living my life out. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to live. You pick and choose your battles…I choose to live<3
Love, Peace and Honesty<3