Ambition …{Random Post} 9-25-16


ambition

Ambition…

In this moment I’m reminded why I started

Wale released the album “Ambition”… 

2011

A year I graduated from college 

But felt like I had the biggest setback 

A dead end job hunt …

Questioned my purpose in life 

What direction was I going in

How would I step into the woman God needed me to be 

I always knew more was and is still in me 

The potential I know I have 

I just won’t let up on 

I was working at Wegmans 

Between Ambition by Wale and Beyoncé “I Was Here” 

I replayed both songs every day 

I wanted out 

Terrified because people told me Wegmans was it for me 

Plus I was in the mist of my weight loss journey 

The hurt from not finding a job

The hurt from a friendship that was dead to me gone wrong 

The hurt from B hurting me 

I became numb 

I lost myself in my workouts 

I tired myself out because that’s where I felt at my best 

But listening to those two songs kept me focused 

How I would get out from Wegmans 

How would I lose the weight 

How how how 

It just took a tole 

So when I hear those songs 

When I read my old poems from this time frame 

I just freeze 

I’ve grown so much from then 

Those who did hurt me, really didn’t deserve me 

They served their purpose 

Made me better for my true purpose 

My ambition is untouchable 

I refuse to let it slip away and just allow my dreams just be dreams 

It weighs heavy on my heart 

Not to be all I can and meant to be 

My dreams are massive 

Day by day I’m working on making my GRIND congruent to my dreams 

The tears I cry right now …

At this moment 

Mixture of happiness 

Growth 

Calling to help move forward 

Calling to help become better 

Calling to strengthen myself 

Help shed the old to create new 

Comes from my heart 

Love, Peace and Honesty,

Dreya the exFATgirl

Random Post…{September 5th,2016}


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2012…yeah that was me. The year I fell into depression after a year and change graduating from college and not working in my field. Was promised this 6 Figure job by Westwood College, never happened. Ended up working at Wegmans 7 years but I’m grateful because the depression lead me to finding my voice furthermore with my poetry. I learned that I lost confidence, I wanted love from someone who didn’t love themselves or know themselves plus wasn’t for me. This moment in time I fed the void of feeling empty with food. Empty because I wanted to be working fill time doing something I loved, I wanted to independence and I would be compared to friends and I felt less than. Wasn’t sure of my purpose at this time, everyone told me to be grateful for this “job”…I wanted more. It wasn’t until I met Cristi Burnham where I felt understood. This was a rough time in my life and I was distant from everyone …I was hiding from the world. I wasn’t happy with me. I truly was just existing in life instead of living in my full purpose and potential.

You don’t know what you don’t know, I had to be alone to figure myself out. You have no idea hat the truth is until have that time ❤️ it was a hard pill to swallow graduating and watching your friends go straight into their field of study and you have to work at a dead end job just to “tolerate”. It doesn’t feel good and I got sick and tired of tolerating a job for money. I quickly got tired of the paycheck to paycheck life and I knew I wanted more ! Everyone around me was stagnant and that was it for them. I know then and now there is more for me. It’s up to me to go get it. Nobody will go get what God has for me. I’m grateful for the talents God has gave me and this beautiful blessing called Herbalife. I GET to be me, flow and prosper. Life is what you make it, we only get ONE. Why not make it the best? Be blessed.

Love, Peace & Honesty

Your future favorite health coach,

Dreya the exFATgirl

NEW POEM …{August 27,16}


Untitled – Augnewbeginnings

Masking how I feel
I can’t deal
Building a business
Mental game gotta be strong
But for so long that’s all I’ve been
Strong …

Not having moments to be weak
To be vulnerable
To release
To heal
To accept that I love you
Even when I told myself not too

That’s the shit that burns the most
Because your not here to feel this hurt
Knowing I promised myself
I wasn’t gonna fall again
Until my King would catch me
Because for so long it’s just been me

Loving hard
Caring hard
Supporting hard
All I know is to go hard
Give 100 of myself, or nothing at all
But I have yet to do that for me

Theres no apology that can seal this
It’s as real as it gets
Just forgive and move on
I let you go so many times
Letting you back in because I feel comfort
I knew I had to let you go
Doing it once again hurt me so

I want you to feel my heart
I want you to feel the pain
I want you to feel the disappointment
But I know this too shall pass
This is for a moment
You know I bounce back

I still pray for you
As I pray for myself
My worth you couldn’t see
So I had to choose me
Even crying as I decided too
Just know I love you

Whether you realize how real it was
Whether you realize you had a good thing
Whether you realize you had my heart
Or not thank you for being a mistake
A mistake I had to grow from
A mistake that’ll make me a new

Bold Enough…{New Poem}


bold

Bold Enough…

I love who I’m growing into
Still building up my confidence
Now I’m more confident to be comfortable in my skin
I can smile
And it’s genuine

I see myself solid
Standing tall
A powerful presence
Humble still with a heart of gold
But bold enough to know

I’m chosen
My God told me to stand tall
Told me cause some friction
Raise your standards
Make em think, let em know your a force to be reckoned with

Not afraid to be sexy
Firm within my skin
I’m a woman, why be scared to show it?
But always remain a lady
Even when I’m in my sexy

Nothing wrong with rolling some heads
I’ve worked hard for this
It ain’t tricking if you got it
Every woman has it in them
You just have to be bold enough

August 14th, 2016 …{Random Post…}


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Hey my loves,

Ahhhh I’m back again. Sooner than later this time, lol. Crazy busy weekend. My nerves are going crazy a bit right now though. A million things crossing it so I said why not blog about what’s on my mind. First off, I’m currently fighting to find consistency in this crazy schedule of mine and in the process of building a empire that I’m aiming to have 7 streams of income. Right now to me I just need to build my way back up to working out 6 times a week, so start with 3 times a week. Seems low to me but I need to start with three times a week and aim for 2 out of those 3 to be 2 a days. My work outs have been ways inconsistent. So I’m stressed about that and I haven’t been into the gym in months I don’t think. So I have to find my way there, I use to work out daily. I can’t live in the past and it’s time to up my results and this body. I want to finish out this road to 200 pounds within this #90Daysoflovingdreya which began August 1st,2016 plus I began the 21 day cleanse from Herbalife.

Consistency is the key to everything so some way I have to find it again and my flow within that so I can get my dream body popping. One other thing is just fulfilling all I’ve declared for this month, I’ve been in my head some days and then last week I began to feel sick so I was like great. I completely want to just start over. I’ve realized a great deal of weight already but I just want my 200 pounds so I can be happy, lol. Hitting 200 pounds mean I’d officially be 100 pounds down from 300 pounds. I don’t know anyone that’s released 100 pounds so I want to be that person. There’s such pride behind that even though I feel like 88pounds is a lot too but there’s more to be released. I just have to be consistent with it.

 

Reintroducing my brand is on my mind as well. New body, new mindset and new everything with a new platform to make bigger and better moves. I have 17 days to release 10 pounds and then accomplish gaining new clients as well. Busy week ahead of me as usual. But I know I’m in a need of MORE and also expanding because I feel like I’ll go crazy but I need to find consistency to gain that MORE that I’ve been feening for. Everything I’ve been praying for is here, I just have to manage myself ALOT better and the energy needed to handle it all.❤

Love, Peace and Honesty,

Dreya the exFATgirl

Random Thoughts…It’s been awhile {August 10,2016}


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Hey my loves (my readers),

It’s been awhile since I’ve just hopped on and said what’s on my heart so tonight it’s one of those post. So many people have recently poured into me, different thoughts have crossed my head and old memories have had me in tears. Right now I’m asking myself, how did you get to this point?

Anyone who knows me, know writing is what I do and I have a good play on words. Poetry, that’s my thang, lol. SO why haven’t I written in so long? Why do people have to tell me to get back to it? Honestly I have no idea why but that I do know that it’s apart of me that I’ve neglected and I can feel it. It’s still odd to do because I’ve been gone for so long but that’s why I’ve decided to post more often. 4 times a week to get back into this flow. Regardless of time just flow. If I don’t, it won’t be me.

The anxiety over the course of these last few years came about after I stopped writing, as a result my hair have broken off and it hurts more than I portray because I know I have a hand in this. My hair shouldn’t have paid the cost of the fears, confusion and hurt that’s inside. Somehow over time I’ve been holding everything inside and it has caused me to get to this point. The point where stress and fear have almost become my god. Plus physically paralyzing me so I have to find ways to break this because I know this is not me.

I’ve been in my own world. I don’t have much time for Shadreya and I’m beginning to go crazy in a sense because I can’t think or breathe. I’m always doing something for someone else but myself. I work with my grandmother daily and then I go straight into coach mode. So I’m working on finding my “me” time with building the massive empire I’ve envisioned for several years. I found comfort in Derrick these last two years. He was a huge part of my decision making in 2015 because I had so much going on around me, it was just chaos after chaos no normality to my life and I wasn’t home which made it 20x harder. So he became a part of me to help me escape everything going on. The crazy thing is he would notice, I wasn’t picking my hair around him. He played apart of my happiness and he meant more than I knew at the time.

Letting him go has been bittersweet because like I said he’s a comfort zone for me, I got into a routine with him and that’s no longer there, so that makes it bitter but it’s sweet because I know who I am without him. He helped me build my belief within myself because on my worst days he told me I was beautiful and we had one on one talks a lot, lol. So no longer needing that validation is sweet. I’ve always known who I was but never vocal about it, I just carried it within. In the past people down talked me within my family and a few randoms who didn’t really know me but I knew who I was regardless.

I’m at the point where I just want more out of LIFE, out of MYSELF, out of my PURPOSE and create the freedom I’m supposed to have building a life with the King God see fit for me. My healthy active lifestyle has brought so much into my life. I’m beyond grateful, what’s meant to be will be and who is meant to be in my life will remain. I’m trusting God’s vision for my life. Sometimes we just have to be broken down to built back up and grow into the next levels God envisions.

Love, Peace and Honesty,

Dreya

Falling Back In Love With Me…{NEW POEM August 2016)


abundance

The past two years
Have been such a roller coaster
Prior to that I felt on top of the world
Beginning my journey
Releasing 67 pounds
Feeling at my best self
Empowering on all levels
Feeling fearless
2014 happened…
Life happened

Gaining back 40 pounds was tough
I knew I didn’t want to go backwards
After moving 10 steps forward
In 2014 a friendship of 12+ years began to go left
Took me off the map
But then I met him
He built me up
He believed in me at this time more than myself
The more time we spent
The more I fell

I honestly thought he was the one
I didn’t want to let him go
But what I wanted he wasn’t ready for
But today I no long need that outside validation
Agreement to go separate ways
Hard because he’s familiar to me
Comfort is with him
My heart is partly with him
In my eyes I gave a lot to him
I still love him but not in love with him

I know I deserve more
God created me for more
For a King who gets me
Love on me and love with me
Willing to grow with me
On all levels
Keeps me focused, elevates me and challenges me
For now I’m doing me
To continue to discover me

Every day I’m still learning
I’m most definitely a student to life
But more importantly a student to the most High
I’m comfortable in my skin
I’m comfortable in my purpose
And I’m comfortable with falling back in love with me

To Heal…{New Poem} August 2016


To Heal…

Growing up the pen and paper is where I told my story
It’s my safe haven
It’s my outlet
Nobody can judge me
It’s mine
I never understood how one can treat their own niece differently because she was darker than the other
I was always told the stories
Too young to grasp
Too young to understand
Young and innocent
Yet to this day it stings a bit
I never spoke upon this hurt
Only through my poetry
After that I left it on the paper
Never let it get to the point where I hate her
Forgiveness is key to healing
I gotta let go of this feeling
The past is done
Living in that is not fun
Took me some years to say I’m beautiful
After each rejection between family and crushes
I had to tell me self who the boss is
Now it’s my turn to help those growing through this
Know what your truth is
But forgive
Don’t allow colorism to hold you in bondage
Look in the mirror tell yourself
You love you
You got you
You are beautiful
Hug yourself and love yourself
Confront yourself so that you …
Can heal

Random Post …{July 28, 2016}


july4th

Random Post …{July 28, 2016}

Hey my loves Queens and Kings,

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here but it’s never too late to drop some lines. Lately I’ve been craving MORE, out of life and myself. Adjusting to this body I’ve sculpted, people following me and multiple people who tell me greatness is upon me. Growing up I was told many things so I’m currently at a stage of believing I’m deservant to be the leader I’ve grown into, that I’ve been called to be and have the blessings and opportunities in my life. It’s a huge adjustment mentally. Realizing I’m not who I use to be or what I’ve been told I was, I’m breaking out of a mental jail.

Besides that just stepping up to the level of leadership that I’ve slowly formed, leveling up as a leader so making sure I’m doing all that I’m suppose too and being sure I’m doing what I need to lead. When your building a team your attitude changes, you become humbled and take on a new appreciation for people. For me, I’m learning to accept that I’m this great massive impactful person and I’ve learned how to lead. I was told by teachers I would be who I am today and that is a unexplainable feeling. On the flip side mentally I have to fight my own mental now because of the things told to me as a child in society.

Growing up I was told I wasn’t beautiful, rejected by guys I liked, I was disliked by my dads side of the family and I was bullied as I battled my weight in middle school. Through these obstacles I’ve managed with the grace of God to get to the point plus a powerful support system behind me. Over the past two years I fell in love with this guy who believed in me more than I believed in myself and now I’m realizing how dependent I’ve been on him.I  got confirmation that I am beautiful on those days I didn’t feel it, when I had hard times and felt down he was there. But I don’t need that. On my own I know I am powerful, I am
Beautiful and I am a leader. I’ve attracted some beast into my inner circle and business.

God has provided me with what I need and I’m choosing to thrive in it all. There’s so much in my vision to accomplish, barriers to break and a lifestyle to live to show God has promised us we can and shall live in abundance in His glory. I’m choosing to use my past as fuel to push me towards the greatness of my future. The pain is temporary because I know facing fears and having the conversations I know I have to have won’t be easy. But growth and change is not comfortable. I have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I haven’t been living in my flow, I’ve been holding so much in my head and it’s caused this anxiety within which has been trying to take over my life but I have these amazing talents to express exactly how I feel. I rebuke anxiety and fear in my life. I declare abundance, joy and happiness into my life. Asking God to remove all people and situations not for me to be removed and for my heart to feel the love and joy it deserves. I am deserving of all the blessings in my life and I will not block any blessings moving forward. Comfortable in my skin, embracing the greatness that’s in my life and who I’ve grown into all the glory to God.

Love, Peace & Honesty,

Dreya the exFATgirl

Random post {October 20th, 2015}


I don’t desire to be defined but to redefine societies definition of beauty, success and sexy. Always feeling like I’m the under dog I feel entitled to show, you can make your own way out of no way. I don’t wish to be skinny but rather make others uncomfortable with my thick because it’s just the right fit for me. God created us differently so why fit in when we’re meant to stand out?

My legacy I want to be all about self love, self empowerment and bold confidence to live and move forward even in the mist of adversity. Women of color to me get hit the hardest of them all and it’s a goal of mine to build us up. I’ve been the outkast, I’ve been the under dog and in a sense now I’m feeling loved. Once I found what I love, what my flow is and my it factor I can go in. I want to help others find it.

Being a darker hue shade of black I truly feel the urge to help women of darker hues be confident in their skin, I know the battle and I can see it’s still in today’s culture of society. It’s in my heart to help in a way that will impact majorly and positively. There’s no need to frown when God gave us the crown. Too often in our black community do we tear each other down I’d rather be apart of creating space of building each other up. I love my sistahs ❤️ we’re in this thing together and with so many aspects trying to break us, someone has to make a difference. Why not let it be me?

From my curves to my skin I love what’s within, can’t nobody take what God has given me and I just want to pass the gift that’s been given to make my sistah smile because she loves herself, her curves and her testimony because she made it to her victory 👑